Stop selling cars!

I’ve heard it all. Detroit needs to build smaller, more effieceint vehicles, blah blah blah. We are shackled by unions, can’t compete, cry cry cry. It’s not the product or the plant. It’s the process.

The big three constantly complain about the fierce, disciplined foreign competition. However they fail to even recognize the gargantuan competitor that currently dominates the American auto marketplace. This behemoth has a bigger share of the auto sales market than Honda, Toyota and all the Asian manufacturers combined. 900 pound gorilla; thy name is Used Auto Sales.

The latest census figures I can find from 1998:

• New passenger car sales: 8,142
• Used passenger car sales: 40,230

Out of date perhaps, but the problem is clear. Used car sales is a monster that is eating American jobs!

Since it’s inception, the software industry has struggled with the same puzzle. Sales figures impacted by the legal transfer of ownership from one customer to another. Unlike Detroit however, the wizards of the software industry quickly solved this puzzle, creating a solution that is spreading to both to the video game industry and the music and entertainment business. The solution?

Stop selling cars!

When you sell something to someone you transfer legal rights to that person. Right of resale, right to sue you if the item sold is defective or harms them in some way. It’s dumb. Instead, sell the costumer the right to use the car. License the right to use the car. Let every new car customer sign a byzantine legal agreement and not only will you be able to kill used car sales, you will become impervious to lawsuits. Two birds. One brilliant shining stone.

This path is not without it’s challenges. Enforcing that license document becomes the next issue. Hire an army of lawyers. Of course you can’t sue everyone, so a technical solution is required.

A.R.M. (Auto Rights Management)

Ladies and Germs; I give you the Retinal Key!

No more carrying around a bulky key in your pocket. The retinal key is registered at the dealership for up to three drivers and will eliminate car theft forever. When the car detects an unauthorized user, or a non-factory oil filter the engine goes into a reduced functionality mode, refusing to go over 15 miles per hour and constantly nagging the user. After 30 days of this mode the engine melt itself down.

If somehow the reduce functionality mode is triggered just pick up the phone. Dial our call center based in Bangalore. After three hours of listening to hold music and being transferred the customer will be educated on the terms of the license they agreed to when they bought the car and told to simply purchase a new vehicle. Hello, profits.

After some time, people will stop buying cars based on value or efficiency or dependability. You can dress up the same old car, with a new garish paint job and they will buy it. They will buy it because they want to get from point a to point b. They will buy it because they need a car compatible with new highways you have built and the new parking lot at the office where they work isn’t compatible with any other brand.

This is the car of the future. Ka-ching.